Fifty shades and all the colours of criticism in between.

This post does contain a few F words. Mostly because I like them. And then there's just because.


Okay so my next post was going to be about the last ten years of my journey as an author, you know, kids, house, hubby, publishing anniversaries. But then I went to the movies and saw 50 Shades of fucked up.

My initial reaction while washing my hands after peeing was that I felt like I’d been mindfucked and then had the door slammed shut in my face. I’m not being hormonal emotional or over exaggerating. I seriously feel…fucked up. It wasn’t about the actual sex (I'm not a prude by any stretch) but talk about wham, bam, spank you, ma’am.

Little things put me off like who doesn’t shave right to the top of their legs? When the light hit Anastasia’s thighs, it was really distracting how hairy her legs were. Bush I can kind of understand, she is a virgin, but the second, third, fourth times? Do a little pruning for your billionaire boyfriend! And!! You’re on the BIG SCREEN!! She also doesn’t put change in the metre after getting a car park right out front of his building either. Like I said, little things. What does Christan Grey actually do for a living? Did his adoptive parents help him with his company because I have to say, other than feeding some kids in Africa (I saw the starving connection, but not the Africa connection) he doesn’t actually DO anything. Other than fuck. Hard.

I have to admit, I stopped reading the books at the contract stage. I could not get past blindly handing over control to a relative stranger no matter how many black cars or helicopters the dude owns. I know he’s hot but if he told me I had to wait naked and on my knees in the red room of pain, I’d be all “how does get fucked sound to you?” Now that I know more about the contract, I might be tempted to try to read the sequels. Maybe. But I’d have to be really bored. Or cold.

In saying all of that, the movie was actually really good. Very soft core despite the boobs and bush (apparently there is a hard version out there though?? Or maybe this was the hard version?) and the whips and chains were used well from a viewer’s point of view and not overdone.

I was surprised how many times I thought how much I was enjoying it but then it ended. Badly. Apparently there will be another one. I didn’t bloody know that! Mindfucked people! And then the door literally closes and then it ends. I need resolution! I won’t give away any more than that. I will say I’m glad I didn’t see it with my mother… That would have been weird. Well, weirder.

Even if like me you hated the books, if you don’t mind the subject matter, go see the movie. It was very well done and I reckon I’d see it again. If I was bored. Or cold.

Peace out =)