Confidence and Crutches.

I love these blog posts that seem to spontaneously erupt from the deep nether regions of my sleep deprived brain. I did just have a shower so there is the creative water element in the mix. My hair’s only half done and I’m in track pants and a skivvy with no desire to step outside the cubby house (that’s what we live in) at all. It’s raining, the kids are running amok and all I can do is shut the door and free hand like my life depends on it. This blog should be called Bronwyn’s Disjointed Rambles...

I don’t even really know where this one came from but I wanted to say it anyway. It’s important.

Self esteem and confidence is something I’ve always had in oodles. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it hinders. So what’s the problem with a 5’’10 and ½ inch loud, outspoken, confident woman in her late 20’s? It’s intimidating. Apparently I’m intimidating. I don’t mean to be and I’ll never understand why. I’m sure if you’re unconfident, shy and or mousy, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell me either. I’ll just intimidate you! But you know what? It’s not something you’re born with. I like to think my mum taught me how to be confident. I also had the added luxury of very quickly getting over what people thought about me. I wasn’t worried about who didn’t like me at high school. I was just happy to have friends I loved, a reasonably functional family and a voice that could be heard (if I yelled loud enough). I didn’t listen when those thinking they held the power said “you can’t do that”. Why can’t I? And more importantly why shouldn’t I?  

When Kate Moss told the word that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, she wasn’t advocating anorexia or eating disorders. She was probably saying she doesn’t understand overweight people or how they can be happy with themselves or their lifestyles (even though she had copious amounts of crack courage to get through her days). What she probably doesn’t understand is that everyone has crutches. Every person on the planet has something about themselves that they don’t like and use it as a way to get out of feeling failure or even having a go.

I’m not good enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not fast enough. I’m not thin enough.

I don’t do it like she does. I can’t do it like she does. I won’t even try.

But what cost does failure carry? To fail doesn’t mean everyone will laugh at you or make you feel miserable. If they do, then you’re hanging with the wrong people. This is where you have to cast aside the crutch, flip them the bird and tell them where to stick the judgements, the snickers, the you can’t do thats.

I’m not afraid to reach out for my goals, my ambitions, my dreams. And you shouldn’t be either. Whether you’re tall, short, skinny, fat, beautiful, not so beautiful, freckled, albino, dark skinned, male, female, quiet, loud or mute, stand up and be counted, be heard, be noticed. But above all, be nice. No one likes a nasty bitch and mean people don’t win prizes, they don’t make friends and they don’t impress. You do. If you try, give it your all and at the end of the day still fail, at least you tried.

Insecurities are usually something you can change in your own mind. You just have to want to do it. You have to want it bad enough to let all the other crap go...